Why Sharing is tough for Toddlers?

You have invited a friend with their toddler for a playdate. You put out all the toys for them to play, however, here’s the challenge! Your child is not allowing the other kid to play with her/his toys. Despite your efforts, she/he remains adamant, often leading to a meltdown. Sounds familiar?

Sharing difficulties are a typical behavior observed among young toddlers. It’s essential to understand that this behavior is developmentally expected at this age, and it doesn’t necessarily indicate a spoilt or selfish child or bad parenting. Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions, making sharing a challenging concept for them.

So, what could be the reason for children to not share their things with others?

The concept of sharing develops slowly over the first few years of life as toddlers learn that they are separate individuals. They build their sense of self through ownership, leading to the belief “I own, therefore I am.” While they may seem possessive, it’s actually a part of their scientific exploration to understand their individuality. To them, giving something up means losing it forever because they haven’t grasped the concept of time yet.

Impulse control is another aspect influencing sharing behavior. Toddlers often exhibit a “mine” mentality, wanting what they want when they want it. It’s a part of their self-experimentation, and their actions in sharing are early steps in understanding social and emotional skills.

While your toddler may occasionally share something with you during play, it’s primarily a part of their ongoing real-time experiment. Forcing sharing at this stage may backfire, as toddlers don’t fully grasp the concept, leading to negative associations with sharing and prolonging any perceived “selfishness.”

As they mature and develop socially and emotionally (usually around age three or so), genuine sharing will naturally emerge. Until then, supporting their self-discovery and respecting their individuality is key to laying the groundwork for future positive sharing experiences.

Let’s explore some strategies to encourage sharing in toddlers.

Teaching the art of sharing can be challenging, drawing from my experiences as both a mother and an educator. Here are valuable insights I’ve gathered over the years:

✅ Prepare Ahead: Prior to playdates or gatherings with peers, have a chat with your child about sharing. Explain the number of kids attending and the likelihood of sharing toys.

✅ Selective Sharing: Empower your child by allowing them to choose which toys they’re comfortable sharing. This method has proven effective when planned in advance. Whether at home or the park, categorize toys as “special” or “sharing,” ensuring clarity. Keep the special toys aside during playdates to avoid conflicts.

✅ Introduce Turn-Taking: Engage your child in turn-taking and sharing games.

✅ Acknowledge and Encourage: Whenever your child or others share, acknowledge their efforts. Positive reinforcement works wonders.

✅ Share through Stories: Read books that emphasize the value of sharing. Or share your own story with the child.

✅ Model Sharing: Lead by example; showcase sharing behavior yourself.

✅ Montessori-Inspired Play: Assign individual playmats for each child. These mats define personal play space, where toys can only be placed. Respect other playmats unless invited. This empowers kids with boundaries and control while allowing sharing if they choose.

✅ Embrace Imperfections: Understand that sharing isn’t constant, and support your child as they learn this skill.

Rest assured, exercise patience — soon your toddler will grasp the concept of “sharing is caring.” Focus on nurturing their sense of self rather than labeling them as “selfish.” Lead by example with generosity and allow them to hold onto their belongings for now. With time, they’ll become more receptive to the idea of sharing when they feel prepared to do so!

x — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -x

If you have more questions, ask us Here and we will get back.

Please share this article with friends and family, and subscribe for more such articles. Thank you!